Happy 17th Birthday Candace!

Today was a beautiful sunny day. We released your 

birthday balloons from the Scentsy Commons area. 

This was the first time Jeff was part of this balloon launch. 

He and Shaylin will be getting married the end of March.  

Hailey and Kade did a balloon launch in Provo and sent us a picture. 

I love that our kids participate wherever and whenever they can.

Here is what I posted to Facebook today: 

Happy Birthday Candace! You would be 17 years old today sweet girl! I often dream of what you would be doing and involved with and what our late night conversations would be about. I look forward to our reunion in heaven when my heart will feel whole again. We love and miss you and are so grateful to be your parents.

Happy 16th Birthday Candace!

Today would be your 16th Birthday. Every year we seem to have amazing weather. However, today was a little different. We released your balloons in a blizzard! It was so very cold! Hailey and Kade had a bit more of a peaceful balloon release in Provo (see the picture). There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of this daughter of mine and the 9 months and 23 precious hours we had with her. Some people only dream of angels, but we held you in our arms.

Happy 15th Birthday!

Today we celebrated your 15th birthday! It was a beautiful and sunny day. We enjoyed sharing some memories and having this time together. Shaylin was in Rexburg at school, but the rest of us were here.

I often wonder what you would be like...you would be 15 today. You would be blossoming into a beautiful young woman. I'm sure you would be singing your way through life like the rest of your siblings. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you, my daughter Candace, the member of our family that people around me have never met and some don't even know that you exist. The invisible yet incredibly strong presence in our lives. I can't put it into words what it feels like to ALWAYS be missing someone in family photos, around the dinner table, on family vacations. Life never feels complete. I look forward to the day when life will feel whole and complete again. Happy Birthday sweet angel daughter of mine!

A few days after your birthday we had a very monumental thing happen for our family. We were all in the temple together! The whole family! I felt you so near. I knew you were celebrating this day with us and for a few moments my family felt whole again.

Happy 14th Birthday!

It snowed so much on your birthday this year.  It was still snowing in the afternoon and evening, and so we decided to postpone your annual balloon launch.  It was a beautiful white birthday though. We still celebrated you and talked about memories.

This birthday was a little more emotional because your cousin Ansley has joined you in heaven.  She passed away unexpectedly on January 20, 2021.

Ansley Marie Carroll--16 years old

We did your balloon release on Feb 20th, to commemorate 1 month of Ansley being gone.  We decided to release the balloons at Ansley's graveside.  We got an extra  purple balloon to release in her memory as well.  It brings me some comfort to know you cousins are reunited and together.  

This was my Facebook post on your birthday:

I have 3 daughters, even though most people only see 2 when they look at our family. Today our angel Candace would be 14 years old. I often wonder what she would be like, what interests or hobbies she would have, how her interaction with her sisters and brothers would be. I know that our family doesn't feel complete without her, which is something I've just had to learn to live with for now. Happy Birthday sweet angel daughter of mine! I look forward to being reunited with you one day.

We love you angel girl!  Can't wait to embrace you again one day soon.
 

“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.”  -Rumi

Happy 13th Birthday!

Today was a beautiful day to celebrate your birthday!  It warmed up to the low 50's, which feels pretty amazing for February in Boise!  We missed having Zach and Shaylin here celebrating with us.  Shaylin released a balloon in Poland for you and she sent a note for us to put in a balloon here for you.  

It was also fun having Miumiu join us in our balloon release.  She even wrote a note for you!  Here the family is walking to our favorite spot to do the balloon release.  

I love what "pink" thing Ethan chose to wear to celebrate Candace today!

It was a beautiful pink sunset!

We love you Candace!  Happy Birthday!

When we got home, I needed to open a new box of Kleenex.  We only had one box left and look what is on the outside of the box!  Butterflies!  I know that God is in the details of our lives!  

Here's a post I put on Facebook on Valentine's Day this year:

Happy Valentine's Day Friends! I'm not a big poster on Facebook, but my heart is bursting today with gratitude and I want to share! Yesterday was our angel daughter's 13th birthday! She's never far from my heart, but this time of year she is constantly on my mind. Thank you for all the kind texts, comments, and drop-by gifts. Each one is so appreciated to know that SHE is not forgotten!

Valentine's Day is a tender day for us, as it's the day she left this earth. Kind of ironic that my heart literally felt broken on this day of hearts. I wish I could steal a quick hug, snuggle her beside me and stroke her cheek...but I will wait patiently for that coming day when our daughter will live again. Valentine's Day holds so much more meaning for me now. It is forever a symbol of Perfect Love given from my Savior Jesus Christ. Because of Him, our daughter will be whole and complete and live again! Because of Him, death is not the end for any of us! Because of Him, we all can return to our Heavenly Father's presence! This is what Valentine's Day means to me. It's when my heart will be healed.

I also am feeling so grateful for my #1 Valentine, Jonathan Carroll. Together we made the choice 21 years ago to marry in God's Holy Temple and make a covenant with the Lord, and then through proper priesthood authority, be sealed together for eternity, which also seals/binds our children to us. We have never regretted that decision! This knowledge brings our family so much peace, knowing we will be reunited with Candace again and our family will be complete and whole in a future day!

http://jesuschrist.lds.org/SonOfGod?lang=eng&_r=1

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples?lang=eng

Happy 12th Birthday Candace!

Today is Candace's 12th birthday. She passed away on Valentine's Day 2007. 

This is one of the few family pictures we have with all of us in it together. I remember it was hard to get Zach to sit still to take these pictures. In fact, we told him he only had to do 3 pictures and you can see his right hand counting down. I remember Shaylin struggling to choose between her 2nd grade class Valentine's Day party or staying with her baby sister for what she knew could be her last moments. I remember Hailey being so enamored with her baby sister, she loved the feeling of putting her finger in the hole of the pacifier and feeling Candace's little mouth sucking on the pacifier. These are a few of the precious memories for me and are accompanied with so many wide-ranging emotions including joy, sorrow, happiness, heartache, celebrating life, embracing death, peace, anxiousness, faith, uncertainty, love, and the incredible gift of comfort given through the Holy Ghost. As I reflect back on this day, I am given so much peace knowing that we will hold our Candace again and we will be reunited as a complete family again. I'm so thankful for our Savior, Jesus Christ, and his atoning sacrifice that makes it possible for all of us to be reunited with those loved ones we have lost. Happy Birthday Candace!

Our annual balloon release for Candace's birthday.  Well, it was one-of-a-kind balloon release.  I'll explain.  Jon was gone to Florida on Candace's birthday, so we didn't get to do it ON her birthday.  Zach worked late on Valentine's Day.  I was gone from 1:00-10:00pm on Friday judging Idaho's dance competition.  That brings us to Saturday, but dad had an appointment scheduled and Zach had work, so we determined to get the balloons as late as we could Saturday evening and release them Sunday afternoon after church.  Well, as you can see from the pictures, they weren't exactly "floating high" from helium, but we (some of us) were confident the wind would help us out and carry them up.  We decided to release them from our Charter Pointe park this year.  Enjoy the pictures that follow. . . 

Go balloons, you can do it!

Zach trying to "help" the balloons along.

The boys chased them all the way down the field.  One never took flight from the field and the boys brought it back to the car.  We watched the others sort of floating.  We followed the balloons down SeaBreeze.  One came down on the road and another came down by the clubhouse.  The other 3 actually made it up, up and away!  Of course the kids wanted to know who's balloons made it and who's didn't.  Shaylin, Zach, and Ethan's balloons made it up, up and away!  😊

We've had some extremely rainy weather the past couple of weeks, but on the evening of (Candace's birthday), the rain stopped and these beautiful pink clouds formed.  The picture makes them look orange, but they were pink as could be.  We love our pink for Candace, right? 

Later on Wednesday, I was even able to release a balloon for Candace's birthday! That's one tradition that my family does every year is release pink balloons together. I'm so grateful I was able to even find a balloon (courtesy of Valentine's Day) to continue that tradition! :)

Happy 11th Birthday Candace!

We had beautiful sunny weather for your balloon launch this year.

 I guess all the dogs thought it was a good day to be out too, because we had so many dogs come and up and see us while we were there.  This one reminded us of good ol' Sunny dog who is in heaven with you.  It was a sweet reminder of her as we celebrated your birthday.

 Your family just can't take a normal picture.  Love them!

 This scene never changes from year to year as we all watch the balloons drift out of sight.  However, what does change is the size of each of the children as they grow a year older each year.  We miss seeing you grow each year and I often think about what you would be involved with and doing right now if you were still with us. 

We miss you sweet Candace.  Happy Birthday!